I'm 15 minutes late and my eyes are still closing.

-_-

Good Morning.

Anyway!

I saw this in a picture today in Facebook,

'Sometimes, a hug is all you need to make you feel better.'.

And i'm giving away free hugs! =)

And only applicable to ladies! =D

Erm..

I was suppose to sleep early because i'm having a 8 a.m. class later

but

I just can't at the moment.

I've been given the time to learn about my life and myself.

I've seen so much that sometimes I felt really ashamed to be that kinda person.

Somehow it turns out to be more obvious as we grow?

Now I see myself, I realized I became more patient in matters of life.

Not entirely perfect, sometimes I do react if some shit is going on but heck yea, nobody's perfect right?

=)

I've learnt not to force too.

I felt alot of difference recently or maybe starting this year.

It's great if you actually notice how your worse side turns better?

Anyway people, no one is perfect. You can changed yourself to be a better person. Don't be fooled by the imperfection in yourself, you yourself can brace yourself to be a better person!

=)

Nights!

P.S. If you have a shitty past, don't yield to them and let

them destroy your future. You still have a chance to live you know.

=)

Anyway,

I'm kind of addicted to 'I Won't Give Up' by Jason Mraz.

Learnt the song in guitar and it feels awesome playing it!

Though i'm playing power chord all the way...

Anyway, the feeling that occurred while playing that song is just indescribable!

=)

Was hungry so I fried myself 2 hash browns.

Didn't defrost it,

pan was suckie because it sticks like some melted sweet.

Ended up eating the hash brown cold.

T.T

Depressing.

lol

Totally spoil my mood for supper!

And

Now my tummy is feeling awkward.

='|

Super sleepy today...

Oh wells...

Should have reminded myself that i'm having a 8 a.m. class...

ish!

lol

=|

Ba dum tsk! Here is :-

Jacob Tan!

Super happy for him now! May you 2 live awesome and happy alright! =D

D'awww if only i've recorded the whole scene, it was super funny!

D'awww look at them! =)

Another new member in the family =')

I think my eldest brother wants hairy boobies? =|

Anyway, a big congratulations to you two! Through tough times and obstacles, you two made it through till today! Super happy for you two!

=')

No, no, i'm not tearing up =')

I don't know why but i'm feeling

really free after last night!

Finally, the relief!

=)

I'm not gonna expect much.

I'll just be happy.

Imagine you being so in love with this person,

but things didn't work out.

Then you 2 didn't contact each another for long.

Suddenly,

you 2 had this little chat after so long.

How would you feel?

I felt awkward because I know I actually

still have this strong feelings for her.

If only there's a second chance?

Regarding the previous post,

Things went...erm...

I don't know...

At least I tried? Heh.

Anyway,

Happy Chinese New Year everybody!

May you prosper well throughout the year and enjoy your holidays!

May Ang Paos won't stop flowing throughout the CNY week!

Amen! LOL!

Releasing what's trapped

Hoolaa people.

Sister is back from Australia for a month!

Super happy to see her again!

Welcome back sister!

Here's the main thing.

I finally realize what has been troubling my heart.

I read my heart and it told me everything.

I really need to do something to make myself feel better.

So yea, I want to make amend.

Started the first move.

Now i'm just waiting for a reply.

Finger's crossed that it'll turn out good.

Toodles!

Goodbye 2011 and Hello 2012!

I'm finally back to blogging!

Miss me?!

Been months!

Anyway,

I had been thinking about it throughout the year 2011 and what is that 'it'? Please continue reading to find out!

Sincerely,

Me.

I had my reasons why I shut my blog for long. Last year was good but there were something that totally, I wouldn't call it ruin or destroy. Can't really describe it in words, some feelings are just indescribable. But yea, it totally led me down in my relationship life.

I swore I was in love but maybe because I was too stupid and silly, I actually literally killed myself real hard inside. Truthfully I still have feelings for her but I guess what's done is done.

It's been quite long, almost a year now.

I had an awesome New Year's Eve celebration with a group of favorite people today. One of them kinda told me about her being in a relationship. It kinda struck me but I felt proud because I managed to poker face. I took the challenge not to remind myself about her, it was a tough war but I managed to conquer it a little. Hehe.

I'm sure you readers can pick up the reason why I shut my blog already right? Hehe.

So here's what i've been thinking.

I don't really care and i'm actually really tired of trying to go for someone real bad. So yea, when it comes it comes. I might be a little flirtatious though but that doesn't mean i'm trying to go after you.

I have my reasons why I don't really care because i've been single all my life and I guess i just got too used to being single. Moreover i'm glad I have my family and friends that can spark up my life and make it more adventurous! Thanks guys for existing. lol. Thank God for them too!

So here it is, 2012. I wish this year will actually lighten up this area of my life. A bad wish? Maybe.

It's really late though, it's 4.45 AM!

Before ending this post, I would totally love to wish you all a HAPPY NEW YEAR! Have a blessed one and my best wish to you all!

Honestly, I still miss you.

I still thought of you every day and night.

I'm still sad about it.

You're the first I ever felt so in love.

It's miserable how I use my friend account to check you out.

It's more of a daily routine now.

Been months and i'm still doing it.

Why am I checking your blog?

Miserable much right?

Why is it so hard to forget about it and just move on?

I'm still not over you.

So,

yeah.

I'm gonna stop blogging.

What's on my mind right now?

I just can't sleep.

Sometimes I wonder why am I still thinking about her.

Maybe because she used to mean a lot to me?

I don't know.

It's been almost 3 months we've never spoken.

It is still tough going through days with her in my mind.

Thinking about it,

I actually kinda forgotten, what separates us?

And what did it go wrong?

I used to blame everything on myself for what had happened but now,

I just don't know?

And whenever I think about it, it struck me in my heart.

I don't know if it's normal but things still lingers around my mind.

And my heart felt it.

Sometimes I just don't know what to feel.

Yea, I still miss her.

But I guess that's not wrong right?

It still bothers me.

The feeling of wanting to hold you in my arms...

The Last Story?

Last year was pretty hectic, after going through emotional times leaving friends and relatives behind. I'm not healed by these problems but still managed to just live better than before. Last year was pretty interesting, met a girl through online and it was the silliest introduction ever. She was spamming my wall on my friend's behalf, silly right? But it was all cool.

I met her in reality through fetching my friend, her and her sister to their ballet class. Was staring at her big cute beautiful eyes from the mirror while I was looking back. Didn't really recognize her though not till I recalled something about her from my friend. Yea, I was actually pretty blur and tired that time.

Got to know her more through online. We're teens, so yea we contact through Facebook! Thank Mark for that! It was a beautiful time knowing her. She's a pretty interesting teen, different from most i've met. Then after awhile, stars starts shining brightly in my dim eyes and pop, I gotta know i'm interested in her! And yea, that's when the interesting story starts!

Told her the truth, things went pretty well. The feeling was awesome and it feels great to have someone who we can share and talk to about EVERYTHING! Oh yea, her pet dog died on that day I told her about my feelings. Yea, karma hit me at the wrong time.

Managed to call her out for a Christmas show in my church and it was pretty awkward at first because we haven't seen each other for months! My heart was pumping so hard it feels like i injected steroids in my heart! That awkward feeling is so indescribeable! Is that a word? I guess. Things went pretty okay that night. Was really glad that I managed to see her! The feeling of gladness, oh!

Our second meet up was during Christmas day and it was quite a fail thanks to her work? Was suppose to meet her up during her lunch hour but some girl didn't turn up for her shift so she had to stay back. Me? I was waiting in the car outside the mall actually. Bought her desserts since she was complaining about her appetite and stuff. And also bought her present too for Christmas and that's why i'm so excited to meet her. I couldn't meet her during lunch so I decided to stop by after her work to pass her the stuff. Too bad she couldn't stay any longer because her only transport is her mom. And you know, moms? Don't get me wrong alright!

At this stage, we're still close and things was still up and running well. We had one issue though, we've been talking about her studying overseas. It's not only about her studies but it's about our relationship. At that point, I know it's going to be hard but i've decided to take the risk since she wasn't an option, she was a choice. And I know I really love her, words just can't describe how much I love her! And it was my first time feeling so in love with a girl! I actually don't know what was in her mind since she's not telling me everything properly. Anyway, we spend most of our time together through phone since she's busy with her work and I really don't want to get her in trouble. We slowly build our relationship through text and calls? I remember a night I had the best talk ever, we were so crazy about each another we talked up to 3-4 hours without realizing not until we check the time! It was the best night and she was the best that I could really talk to. Now let us proceed to the second meet up?

Didn't see her till New Year's Eve when her mom told her to take the train back since it's going to be jam and she don't really know the area. Was really worried that anything might happen to her so i've decided to go through all the trouble to make sure she's safe till the train station.

We continue our sweet chats and texts as time goes by, had an awesome New Year chat with her. Was hanging out late and decided to call her to check on her, chatted for quite sometime and strangers and friends began staring at me. Dear the one, I enjoyed chatting with you. Just so you know.

Next, I was suppose to meet her during her off day, I debated with my family just to get a car to drive around actually. Tried contacting her but failed and I seriously didn't know what was going on, waited till then in the afternoon she texted me she wasn't feeling well and went to the clinic instead. Got really worried and showed all my care. Wasn't angry at her, was just sad that I couldn't see her and be there for her when she's sick.

She caught my heart, she was the thief! I was so crazy about her, I want to be by her side so badly! I don't care if she's short or people say she has big nose, I like her just the way she is. She's beautiful!

As time goes by, it's just so hard to meet her! She's so busy with her work, I almost bombed that mall! So we met up a day before my birthday. It's already 2 months and I believed so strongly that she's a gift from God! Brought her to a park during her lunch break and I was pretty nervous because it was my first time proposing a girl. She's always been beautiful inside out, her eyes is so big and cute, she had a cute and sweet smile, she's so beautiful. She's gorgeous! And she looks extra gorgeous that day. We sat on a bench in a park and chatted. When we're about to leave, I pull up my guts and hold her tight at her shoulder and nervously ask a simple question 'Will you be my girlfriend?'. She was really indecisive because she was worried about her studying overseas so she couldn't decide.

I messed up that time and I blamed myself for it till now. I didn't see her at all after that. She was just too busy with her stuff and whenever we plan to meet up, something just got to clash. I skipped so many plans with my friends and family just to make sure I won't miss the chance to meet her. At this stage, it's going to a low. I tried fighting so hard to keep her and see her but it just won't work. Second month of this year was hectic because of Chinese New Year. So I really wish I could see her on the third month.

During the third month, it was time to show our strength for each another, it's more of a test for us. I gave my best effort to keep it up alive. But one of us gave up. Slowly I was ignored and things start rolling downhill. I didn't want to give up because I just don't want to, I want her to know that I would do anything to meet you, I would do anything to make her smile, I would do anything to take care of her and I will not let anyone hurt her and will make sure there's no wound on the surface of her skin! I want her to know, my feelings for her is real and those words I said are real too.

Slowly, I tried to talk her out but she wouldn't let me know what was going on. She left me hanging by a thread for a couple of times and I still don't blame her. Things start turning ugly and I was at a point of breaking down. I hold myself up and stand strong to save our relationship but I just couldn't do it because one of us stopped fighting for us and also stopped trying. When I was really down, she gave me her promise, a promise that she'll never simply make. After giving me her word, I kept myself standing on my feet to try fix things again. Was hoping that you'll find me but you just wouldn't find me anymore.

Slowly, she broke the promise and didn't really do anything at all. I couldn't take that heat, I broke down and depressed all the way. I know she gave up on me, I know she's no more fighting to keep me. It was the fourth month by then, I really don't know what was going on but I kept trying to save our relationship. It was so tough, I broke down every night.

I actually wish you could ask me what's wrong.

I finally can't take it so I had to give up, it was the worst heart break ever. Never once I felt so in love and never once I felt so broken down by it. I couldn't take the pain I remove her in my contacts. I don't even really dare to step into places i've had memories with you before. It's just so hard.

Dear special one, i'm so sorry that I hurt you at times and i'm really am sorry. You might not know but i'm hurt too, it hurts so bad I had nightmares every night. I couldn't sleep well every night because i'm always thinking about what happened and what's happening. It's just so hard not to think about you and the things happened. Whenever I know you're hurt, I was so tempted to make sure you're okay but I know I shouldn't anymore. Though it's been like 2-3 weeks but it feels like months. Life is so different without you and knowing that I lose you, I really need you in my life actually. It's no point trying hard to like other girl because my heart still loves you. I really miss you alot, no doubt about that. I couldn't really smile ever since then, after what happened. I couldn't sleep well at all too. Every night i'll just dream about you. I'll talk to God and tell Him how much I want you back.

Now, I'm just waiting and see what will happen next. It's either you come back and we get together again or I'll just have to move on without you. I remember what you wore on the first day I met you, your 'Baju Kurung' school uniform. Hehe, you were gorgeous.

Sorry for my poor disastrous english, lazy to check my grammar and spellings. Heh.

If only there's a way to read my heart out.

Sometimes it's never too late to make things right,

but it depends on our decisions whether to want to make it right or not.

Strangers again.

What's funny about us humans is

we often wish that only one person that we can't live without,

can't live without us.

But, how often do us humans show that feeling of can't live without you?

Can't stop thinking bout this song.

Another shot of whiskey
Can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping
In the way you did before

And I wonder if I
Ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one
I'm a little drunk
And I need you now
Said I wouldn't call
But I've lost all control
And I need you now

Didn't see you for more than 4 months

and lost contact for about 2 months

and still misses you,

couldn't sleep well every night because i'm still thinking about you,

still having this fear of losing you,

if isn't love,

tell me what it is?

I'm never over
over you
something about you
It's just the way you move
the way you move me

I'm so good at forgetting
and I quit every game I've played
but forgive me love
I can't turn and walk away

should have smiled in that picture

if it's the last that I'll see of you

it's the least that you could not do

oh I will

leave the light on

I'll never give up on you

leave the light on

for me too

Yes, thinking about it hurts.

But,

thinking about it allows me explore the deeper me

and see who I am, what I am capable of and what I able to do.

I'm a risk taker, maybe not all risk but risk that decides what kinda guy

i'm going to be in the future.

There is a definite certain change in me after it happened.

We can't explain them, we only can show them.

Anyway this is just to light up the mood a little here.

LOVE is like shitting on a toilet bowl, only the person who loves you and would risk everything to be with you will go through the smell and touch that shit and get the warm feeling from it...LOL

=)