I've never dream so far, I've never hold so hard. I've never fell so far, I've never fell so hard. I love you dearly, I miss you dearly, Those aren't just words, though words aren't enough to express them. Don't be surprise when your name is written all over my book of life. Don't be surprise that it'll end with your name. Don't be surprise your name appears in every chapter after i've met you. Don't be surprise that i'm still holding on to the love we had. I came too far and looking back kills my soul. I've driven my life alone before but I can't now. I was stupid, and now i'm worse. I shouldn't be showing anymore.
Whatever I do, wherever I go, no matter how hard I distract myself, i'll always be reminded bout you.
You never fail, to cross my mind often.
I must be dreaming still because ;
I'd rather go through hardship and be the most crazy couple ever proving that a strong love will always bring us back together. Screw the miles, screw everything because as long as we know we love each another, we will do whatever it takes to meet up and trade our love. Nothing can stop us.
I can't do more. I only can sit back and reminisce awhile, stand up and move on.
How hard I try, how much I tried, they don't matter anymore.
What matters now is only for both of us to just move on with smiles.
I can't stand seeing how down you were and probably still are.
Cheer up! =)
I can't be more, but I can still be a friend to you.
Obviously i'm gonna miss what we had and i'll definitely keep it as a memory.
I've been through tough times, now i'm going through a tougher time and I should be learning how to overcome it because once we learn to overcome our tough times, it's easier to handle our lives in the near future.
Look at my heart again
Look at the mess I've got it in
I'm trying to trust in You
To know that you'll see me
Through my pride
Through my shame
Into Your love
Into Your grace
I'm not looking back
Till I see Your face
And I'm running straight to You
Because All I really want to do is to fall into
The emptiness that is
The space in-between us
To break this division
All I really want to do is to fall into
The emptiness that is
The space in-between us
Erase it and bring us together again My life's like an open book
Nothing is hidden when you look
You break through my boundaries
Revealing my insecurities
But through my pride
And through my shame
You show me love
You show me grace
I'm not looking back
Till I see your face
And I'm running straight to you
Because Here I am saying I need you
I know I need you
Here I am, I'm coming to meet you
Cause I want to see you
I know what i'm doing now is a little childish. But I did it because I am not myself at the moment. I'm in deep pain and hurt. All I wanna find now is a cure. I just need a cure!
Dear God, be my cure?
I was so in love, I gave every of my time and effort and I hold on so long and strong, I never fail to let go. All I wanted was not only to love, but to be loved. I was all prepared and when it strikes me, I just can't explain how I felt with words.
When I hear it, I froze. I couldn't speak. I shed droplets of tears wondering what happened to everything we said. What happened to the "We'll go through the sucky road together! We'll go through every obstacles together!" I know I can't keep it low so I forced myself to continue the conversation and...
Only God understands how i'm really feeling.
Seriously, I myself want to move on. My mind's open but my heart's stubborn.
P.S. I don't care if it's too emotional but IT'S MY FREAKING BLOG! SO I DON'T FREAKING CARE! =P
What i'm doing right now is a weird way of torturing myself. I'm actually lost in this nightmare trying to find a way back. Dear God, show me the way where I can walk again. Maybe I rather feel the hurt than feeling nothing at all because, I enjoyed loving you. =( I tried convincing myself but I failed, the feeling in my heart is stronger than the thoughts in my mind. =( I know I should start moving on but there's something that is not right and it's bothering me a lot. Who can I talk to about this? No one. Because i've never told anyone more of myself except you.
Now i'm always asking myself this question, why did I love you so much? Why and how did you let me go so easily?
Throughout every struggles and obstacles in life, never once I could express them to anyone. Words was so really hard to find to express it. It was never easy finding someone that could really understand you at least a little too. Once you found someone that can understand you more than anyone else, you gave them all you can. You cling onto them with a thankful heart, why? Because finally you had someone that understands you better.
Now, you just got no one to talk to anymore again. Even if it would, it'll never be the same anymore.
The only One I could really share with is only God. I wish I could have somebody and i'll be their somebody too because I hate to be useless in my existence.
I've been given hope that there's a light on up on the hall and a day will come when the fight is won. And I think that day has begun.
I'm still counting on small prayers every night because i'm lost in a nightmare. I just want to wake up and leave that nightmare and live with whatever I have.
It's been quite clear, the struggles i've been through. Seeing it, it's going to be hard for me to outrun my fears.
Was everything worth it? I guess.
Dear God, can You lift me up?
I'm starting to go through days without you. Letting go was hard enough, and now losing you is the hardest. By any chance, I do wish God will bring us back together?
Ever since that night, I start talking and asking God about my life. Happy or sad, I still question with smiles and sadness. I was once a dreamer. Now i'm not only a dreamer, i'm still living my days in dreams. Should I just call it nightmare?
But one thing for sure, i'll be thankful to God because I know He's still by my side.
Now I don't wanna look forward to any 'ships'. I'm just looking forward to spending my time with my family and friends. Give them the best support I can because i've actually already had it enough. It's never gonna be easy for me but what the heck? That's life.
Dear God, only You know my true prayers. Can You make it possible? Though it's pretty impossible.
'Yes' basically is a blessing from God. It's either we grab it or we leave it. 'Yes' means hoping to a more commitment in life. Not as much as 'I Do' yet so if thing's don't work out in 'Yes', it'll lead to depression. Level of depression? Depends on how much love they gave.
'I Do' is a GIFT from God. We receive it and open the wrapper. Accepting that gift means it'll belong to you for a lifetime and stepping up to more commitments. If the gift were to be gone or lost, you'll be really depressed because that gift is actually the best gift ever.
Short ugly updates about 'Ai'
Conclusion : They are obviously different! =P
Hehe, had a late midnight movies with the gay-hoods. Really gay, we 3 were in slippers and shorts and Eugene just had to wear double the layers of pants into the cinema. After the movie ends, we couldn't feel our toes! Went to the toilet straight and warm dry our toes instead. Felt better after that. Older gay twin brother decides to venture around ladies toilet at night and too bad none of them were empty for him to sakai' in! =P
Yes, He is number four. I'm number One, the one that got killed in Malaysia =(
Dianna Agron! Pretty as always! Main reason why I wanna catch this movie so much! =D
Oh oh! Not to forget! Teresa Palmer! One pretty and hot chick! Loves her loads! =D Dear TP, you're super awesome! Haha! =D
Loves the 2 main girls in that movie! =D Especially Teresa Palmer =D
Truth is, I actually don't know who am I to you. I don't know where am I in you. I don't know if I actually ever crossed your mind. Thinking about a person while you're chatting with them is actually very different from thinking about them while you're not communicating with them and then when you missed them so much, you'll actually try to start a conversation with them. =) Have you really miss me? =|
So now the question is ;
Did you really miss me?!?!
And this always happen to me ;
Yea, it's kinda awkward actually and pathetic.
I'm glad that at least i'm better in controlling my emotions now. God made me stronger! Than Yesterday! =D Britney Spears. Yea Baby!
Too bad I actually can't catch that cloud anymore. Everyday the cloud's shape is always different. Seeking the shape that i really want to see that I used to see will be really hard. Too bad we can't reverse the cloud cycle and find back the shape right?
Let's study Geography =D
Some shape makes you smile, some shape makes you sad, some shape makes you cry and some shape makes you laugh! The shape that i've been seeing makes me wonder. I've seen things but I acted like nothing is going on.
I felt many things but I kept it only to myself to wonder. Seeing the clouds pass each days makes me wonder more and more. I used to see clouds that makes me smile, now i'm only seeing clouds that makes me wonder and sad.
I used to see so many stories in the clouds which makes me smile. Staring at the clouds too asked me a lot of questions which makes me smile even more. Now, seeing the clouds is like seeing nobody there. The form of life was there but it's not now.
The clouds are like disappearing now. I tried to draw them back but...
When will I see the clouds I used to see? I miss them clouds dearly.